I attended a baby shower yesterday.
A fairly normal event, but it marked a significant change in my life.
The mother-to-be, already the mother of a 7 year old girl, has tried for years for a second child, with whom she is now pregnant. The newest baby is a girl...so i gave her a blanket. a pink, soft, fluffy potterybarn kids blanket. and i wept.
I purchased that blanket for my future daughter. I was never a "buyer". I did not buy clothes, toys, anything...because once we sent our paperwork to China, the line came to a screeching halt, and I had enough sense to guard my heart. But when I saw the blanket, I had to buy it. One item.
It's gone now.
with my dreams.
Given that we will soon have a son, and little patience for the never-ending wait signaling China's attempt to "shoo" everyone away, that particular blanket will be used and hopefully loved by its new owner...and I need to release the wave of grief that has been building over the past 30 months....and come to terms that my dream of a daughter is no longer a dream I can pursue.
Please be kind to us this holiday season.
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
What Comes Next?
The following is a description of what has to happen before Jacob can come home. As you can see, this bears a great similarity to adoption in the United States. We will know that Jacob's adoption has been completely above board, no questions asked, which makes us very happy.
Taiwan Adoption Court Process
1. District Court Process
a. The family court office reviews the case/petition and a Judge is assigned to the case.
b. Judge reviews and considers the case and schedules a "hearing". Hearings are handled differently depending on the birth family's situation, the judge's schedule, persons representing the birth family and those representing the adoptive family. The time involved in getting a hearing scheduled depends on the judge's calendar/schedule and that of everyone else required to attend. Hearings can result in--The immediate decision to finalize the adoption (though this is rarely the case) or - Result in the judge's request for more information (in one case we saw the judge request additional counseling for the birthmother and he scheduled a follow-up hearing. Again, this is rare). -Most often, the hearing just provides a judge with more information about the case and allows him/her to rule on the adoption with confidence. Most often, the judge's decision (final ruling) happens weeks or even as long as months after the hearing. The responsibility of the District Court is to make sure that every issue related to the best interest of the child has been considered. Though lengthy & frustrating at times, the District Court process protects the child, the birth parent, the organization caring for the child, AND in the end protects us as adoptive parents. When the District Court decisions have been made, adoptive families can be confident that the process was handled with consideration and in the best interest of the child. 2-4 MONTHS
2. Part I of Final Decree (first decree).Once the District Court hearing has been completed and the judge has had time to make a decision to finalize the adoption, he/she issues the first part of the Final Decree. This is a short statement signed by the judge that is forwarded to the parties involved (social services organization on behalf of the adoptive family and the birth family) notifying everyone of his/her decision to finalize the adoption. This first part of the Final Decree must go to each party and there is a waiting period of 10 days before any more can happen to ensure that everyone has been notified of the judge's decision. 2-4 WEEKS.
3. Part II of Final Decree.Once the 10 day waiting period is up (and the court staff finds time!), the second part of the Final Decree is forwarded to all parties. When the second part of the decree is received by your child's social service organization, the court process is DONE!
4. Household registration change and immigration requirements. Before adoptive family travels, a lot must be accomplished by the child's social service organization. All court documents and background info on the child must be officially translated to English and submitted with certain paperwork to AIT. Also, the child must have his/her Visa medical exam which is forwarded directly (unopened) to AIT's immigrant visa office. At some point the child's guardian must file for a household registration change. The household registration is a file located at local government offices in Taiwan that contains certificates and information about each person in Taiwan. Your child's household registration is attached to his/her guardian's file until the adoption has been finalized by the Taiwan courts. Once the child has been legally adopted in Taiwan, the guardian files with the government office to remove the file from theirs and create a new file showing that the adoptive parent(s) are the new legal guardians.The household registration change takes a day or two or a week depending on the placing organization and the local government office. 2-4 WEEKS.
5. New family receives a travel date. Each organization in Taiwan is different in when and how they schedule a travel date. Some wait until all of the above paperwork is filed and then give the family notice to travel quickly. Some schedule the travel in advance, while they work at preparing the above documents, giving a couple of weeks notice before travel.
Taiwan Adoption Court Process
1. District Court Process
a. The family court office reviews the case/petition and a Judge is assigned to the case.
b. Judge reviews and considers the case and schedules a "hearing". Hearings are handled differently depending on the birth family's situation, the judge's schedule, persons representing the birth family and those representing the adoptive family. The time involved in getting a hearing scheduled depends on the judge's calendar/schedule and that of everyone else required to attend. Hearings can result in--The immediate decision to finalize the adoption (though this is rarely the case) or - Result in the judge's request for more information (in one case we saw the judge request additional counseling for the birthmother and he scheduled a follow-up hearing. Again, this is rare). -Most often, the hearing just provides a judge with more information about the case and allows him/her to rule on the adoption with confidence. Most often, the judge's decision (final ruling) happens weeks or even as long as months after the hearing. The responsibility of the District Court is to make sure that every issue related to the best interest of the child has been considered. Though lengthy & frustrating at times, the District Court process protects the child, the birth parent, the organization caring for the child, AND in the end protects us as adoptive parents. When the District Court decisions have been made, adoptive families can be confident that the process was handled with consideration and in the best interest of the child. 2-4 MONTHS
2. Part I of Final Decree (first decree).Once the District Court hearing has been completed and the judge has had time to make a decision to finalize the adoption, he/she issues the first part of the Final Decree. This is a short statement signed by the judge that is forwarded to the parties involved (social services organization on behalf of the adoptive family and the birth family) notifying everyone of his/her decision to finalize the adoption. This first part of the Final Decree must go to each party and there is a waiting period of 10 days before any more can happen to ensure that everyone has been notified of the judge's decision. 2-4 WEEKS.
3. Part II of Final Decree.Once the 10 day waiting period is up (and the court staff finds time!), the second part of the Final Decree is forwarded to all parties. When the second part of the decree is received by your child's social service organization, the court process is DONE!
4. Household registration change and immigration requirements. Before adoptive family travels, a lot must be accomplished by the child's social service organization. All court documents and background info on the child must be officially translated to English and submitted with certain paperwork to AIT. Also, the child must have his/her Visa medical exam which is forwarded directly (unopened) to AIT's immigrant visa office. At some point the child's guardian must file for a household registration change. The household registration is a file located at local government offices in Taiwan that contains certificates and information about each person in Taiwan. Your child's household registration is attached to his/her guardian's file until the adoption has been finalized by the Taiwan courts. Once the child has been legally adopted in Taiwan, the guardian files with the government office to remove the file from theirs and create a new file showing that the adoptive parent(s) are the new legal guardians.The household registration change takes a day or two or a week depending on the placing organization and the local government office. 2-4 WEEKS.
5. New family receives a travel date. Each organization in Taiwan is different in when and how they schedule a travel date. Some wait until all of the above paperwork is filed and then give the family notice to travel quickly. Some schedule the travel in advance, while they work at preparing the above documents, giving a couple of weeks notice before travel.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
At last...the News.
Meet Jacob Szu-Ching S******, born February 19, 2006 in Taiwan. "Jacob" is his American name...he does not know that yet.
Is he not the most adorable little boy EVER? I'm speechless, and have been so for the past 2 weeks, about his beauty. We have so much to do. His room is full of amplifiers, 8 track tapes, LP record albums, sheet music, computers, including an old Apple IIe, and the first Apple computer ever made (maybe not, it just seems like it to me!)...did I say we have SO MUCH WORK TO DO?
signing off as "giddy with anticipation"...
Friday, August 8, 2008
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
Indulge me for 1 moment, please.
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
The Olympics were supposed to take place at least 1 year or more AFTER we had returned home with our child. We're still looking at 2 more years? forever?
How am I supposed to watch without constantly crying?
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
One big collective sigh of relief....
...from the CCAA website on July 26, 2007:
"The CCAA has finished the review of the adoption application documents registered with our office before June 30, 2006."
WE'RE OUT OF REVIEW. NO QUESTIONS ASKED.
Thank you for your prayers.
Now for the bad news: we're still waiting, and expect to wait another 12-15 months.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Professional Ethics v. Personal Ethics
Subtitle: Is it ever okay to lie to adopt a child?
I have been extremely bothered for the last few days about an article I read, in of all places, Inside Counsel magazine. The magazine featured an interview with the General Counsel for a Chicago businessman who makes a living buying companies. At the very end of the article, there were a few questions about this lawyer's personal life: he is gay, lives with his partner of 15 years, and has 2 children. 2 children, you ask? Well, further information in the article, offered up for public scrutiny, very clearly states that the "couple" adopted the 2 children from Romania, a country which does not allow adoption by homosexuals, by deceit. (Mind you, I didn't guess about this--it is all stated in black & white type in the article as direct information from the interviewee). The lawyer created a "cover story" that he hadn't found the right woman yet, and needed an heir. Effectively, this lie circumvented the Romanian requirements (Romania being a sovereign country, and having every right to limit adoptions as they see fit), as well as the requirements of the United States--which are NOT that homosexuals cannot adopt, but that foreign adoptions must be conducted in a manner which does not circumvent the laws of the foreign country and/or the United States. Presumably the United States laws were somewhat compromised in that a social worker had to put a home study together, for USCIS and Romanian approval, that stated that the "story" told by the prospective parent was accurate and truthful.
Okay. We now have 3 individuals, at least 2 of which have professional ethics requirements and standards of care, that are seeing fit to modify how to comply with these requirements in an effort to get what they want.
I'm not sure why it is okay to lie to adopt a child. Okay, if he didn't "technically" lie (for example, if he would argue that he never stated that he was NOT homosexual) but only put a "spin" on his story that would be beneficial to achieving the goals he desired, is that any different?
I know I am very black & white about right & wrong, even for a lawyer. But even if you weren't under a religious conviction about right & wrong, how would this ever be considered proper behavior under the professional standards of conduct for lawyers?
If I EVER see this guy across the table for any sort of business-related deal, I will NEVER trust a word he says.
Oh, and one more thing--what do you tell your children when they grow up and ask how they became part of your family? "Oh, kids, we wanted you so much we lied to 2 governments to get you!" Boy, the glowing cockels of my heart from that statement...
I have been extremely bothered for the last few days about an article I read, in of all places, Inside Counsel magazine. The magazine featured an interview with the General Counsel for a Chicago businessman who makes a living buying companies. At the very end of the article, there were a few questions about this lawyer's personal life: he is gay, lives with his partner of 15 years, and has 2 children. 2 children, you ask? Well, further information in the article, offered up for public scrutiny, very clearly states that the "couple" adopted the 2 children from Romania, a country which does not allow adoption by homosexuals, by deceit. (Mind you, I didn't guess about this--it is all stated in black & white type in the article as direct information from the interviewee). The lawyer created a "cover story" that he hadn't found the right woman yet, and needed an heir. Effectively, this lie circumvented the Romanian requirements (Romania being a sovereign country, and having every right to limit adoptions as they see fit), as well as the requirements of the United States--which are NOT that homosexuals cannot adopt, but that foreign adoptions must be conducted in a manner which does not circumvent the laws of the foreign country and/or the United States. Presumably the United States laws were somewhat compromised in that a social worker had to put a home study together, for USCIS and Romanian approval, that stated that the "story" told by the prospective parent was accurate and truthful.
Okay. We now have 3 individuals, at least 2 of which have professional ethics requirements and standards of care, that are seeing fit to modify how to comply with these requirements in an effort to get what they want.
I'm not sure why it is okay to lie to adopt a child. Okay, if he didn't "technically" lie (for example, if he would argue that he never stated that he was NOT homosexual) but only put a "spin" on his story that would be beneficial to achieving the goals he desired, is that any different?
I know I am very black & white about right & wrong, even for a lawyer. But even if you weren't under a religious conviction about right & wrong, how would this ever be considered proper behavior under the professional standards of conduct for lawyers?
If I EVER see this guy across the table for any sort of business-related deal, I will NEVER trust a word he says.
Oh, and one more thing--what do you tell your children when they grow up and ask how they became part of your family? "Oh, kids, we wanted you so much we lied to 2 governments to get you!" Boy, the glowing cockels of my heart from that statement...
Thursday, July 5, 2007
June 2006 files are in Review in China
This is where the CCAA spends hours looking for nitpicky things to hold up or prevent an adoption. Sometimes this can be for a genuine reason, like something was not included in the file that should be there, or there are serious medical issues that the CCAA is not comfortable with adoptive parents having, but sometimes it can be just a confused reason.
Please PRAY that we don't have our file pulled for any reason/questions. If questions are asked, it generally delays everything, i.e., referral, even though that is months later. I so badly want to just sail through this part.
Please PRAY that we don't have our file pulled for any reason/questions. If questions are asked, it generally delays everything, i.e., referral, even though that is months later. I so badly want to just sail through this part.